This is a guest blog written by a first-time visitor discovering Montessori.
“Their child can do this already. Why can’t mine?”
As a parent, I’ve had these thoughts many times. Have you felt this too?
We see social media stories and status updates filled with the best moments of other people’s children—artwork, poems, or stage performances.
Milestones, or medals - These are just the highlights, but we start wondering: Am I doing enough? Is my child keeping up? Am I parenting the right way?
Recently, I stepped into a Montessori environment, and what I witnessed made me look at these questions in a completely different way.
Into a Room Full of 30 Little Humans
Sometimes, when my eight-year-old son plays LEGO with his friends, it looks like the room has been hit by a toy tornado!
Now, IMAGINE entering a room full of 30 children, all under six years of age, away from home and their parents. If these children were allowed to move around, eat, and speak freely:
What would the noise level be like?
What would the educators be doing or saying to manage the children?
What would the room look like after three or four hours?
I had my own assumptions. But what did I witness?
1. Dear Decibels! I Did Not Expect This.
That morning, when I settled into the Montessori room, I noticed all the things that were missing.
No loud instructions.
No announcements like “Snack Time,” “Circle Time,” or “Story Time.”
No repeated reminders to hurry up and finish a task.
No repeated commands or warnings.
Absolutely no rush!
With so many children around, there was still a sense of calm. I don’t experience this kind of calm when I try to teach just one child—my eight-year-old at home!
How was this possible?
2. Didn’t Look Plastic-Perfect. But It Was Perrrfect!
I was pleasantly surprised to watch those three-feet-tall children pick rolled-up mats from a box, find an empty spot on the floor to place them, choose materials from the racks, and carry them to their workspaces. They even worked with scissors, water, watercolors and grains.
I saw a little boy wearing his apron, painting and then hanging his painting to dry, it was ADORABLE (and so impressive)! Once they finished, the children rolled up their mats with their teeny-tiny hands and returned the materials to their places.
All this without an adult orchestrating every step! I was amazed at what children can do independently when given the opportunity, space, and time to discover their capabilities.
I thought about how often I step in to avoid spills, mess, or the extra time it might take, when dealing with my child.
I saw a child arriving a little late. He took his time putting his shoes on the rack, placed his bag where it belonged, and looked around. Nobody immediately bombarded him with excited greetings, questions, or instructions to begin an activity.
Well, I would appreciate that too - a few minutes to gather my thoughts before beginning something new. Our children deserve some transition time as well.
Watching them made me wonder: Can I give my child the freedom to work at his own pace, without rushing him? What will we gain and what’s there to lose (apart from my patience)?
3. Being TOTALLY DIFFERENT, wasn’t a problem to be fixed.
I have shared this quote hundreds of times with fellow parents:
“Just as cherry, plum, peach and damson blossoms all possess their own unique qualities, each person is unique. We cannot become someone else. The important thing is that we live true to ourselves and cause the great flower of our lives to blossom.”
— Daisaku Ikeda
As I scanned the room full of these adorable children, I noticed that they were all engaged in their own ways.
Some worked alone, while others were sitting in pairs or groups.
A couple of children preferred to simply observe.
One child just loved moving around.
Two chirpy girls had so much to talk about, while a couple kids preferred to be quiet or not even respond to the other children. And they could just be. No one felt the need to label them as shy, or talkative, or to fit them into an imaginary mould of a “good/smart kid.”
They were all learning in their own unique ways. I loved the fact that they were learning to enjoy learning.
This made me reflect on how we can’t help comparing our children and worry about whether they are keeping up. But each flower in the garden is different, some flowers look tiny but turn into a vibrant fruit like pomegranate- full of ruby-like gems of precious nutrition, others look small like Jasmine, but their fragrance spreads in the whole perimeter and uplifts everyone around. Lotus chooses to bloom in muddy water, and turns out to be one of the most beautiful flower.
In the garden of childhood, what if we let each little bud to be itself and nurture them to bloom fully as who they are?
Of course, certain milestones are important to watch for and we wait for them. Also, freedom doesn't mean leaving children entirely to themselves.
4. Room for the Mind to Wander…to Make Choices?
Of course, the children were not simply left to do whatever they wanted. The educators were present, but they weren’t hovering over every child or interrupting the learning process. There were no announcements telling everyone to drop whatever they were doing and start the next task. Because
What if they want to finish the task in hand?
What if a child are almost there? Challenging himself/herself.
What if it all just started to make sense?
Maybe a particular child needed a two-minute breather.
This is why, the educators invited children who needed guidance. They walked over to them, sat at their level, and offered one-on-one attention.
Children do need age-appropriate boundaries and supervision.
Watching them, I was wondering how these children learnt to be so organised? I began noticing the interactions closely:
When a child interrupted an educator who was working with another student, she spoke softly, “Go to your place. I am coming there.”
Another child forgot to wipe the table after painting. The educator simply stated a fact: “Hey, you forgot to clean this. Wipe it with a wet cloth.”
When a girl was lying on the floor, she was told that it was a walking space and someone might step on her, she should sit up.
Again, something was missing from these interactions!
No adult rushing to do the task for them.
No shaming them for whatever (mistakes?) they did.
Not turning every extra minute taken into a judgement about the child. Maybe they simply got distracted, or forgot what was told?
These few hours made me reflect on my own parenting. It definitely takes extra effort, patience, and understanding to create such an environment!
5. Different Approach: Does it Make any Difference?
Well, I could see it. Clearly.
Children had learned to trust themselves and become less afraid of doing something ‘wrong.’
This Montessori environment offered me a glimpse of how this can begin. This approach seems to make childhood and learning feel lighter. It also prepares them for life. We don’t want our children to grow into adults who constantly question themselves, hesitate to try something new, or are afraid to make decisions. Do we?
Instead of wondering, “Their child can do this already. Why can’t mine?”
I’ll start asking myself, “Is my child getting the right environment, enough time, and support that he needs to discover what he can do?”